“On this April Fool’s Day, I’d like to thank all of the fools who voted for me in the last election. Without your continued stupidity, none of this would be…or would have been possible!
As your President, I’m sure you’ve deduced that I am a master at the art of the lie. Whatever the problem or issue may be, I excel at professing my so called concern, yet I actually do nothing about the problem. I am also very proficient at casting blame for the problem upon those who are actually offering a chance at a real, workable solution. You see, my primary goal is to maintain a nation in perpetual turmoil, while not placing myself at political risk for taking a stand. So far, that’s worked like a charm! Of course, I have to offer my profound thanks to a blind, slavish media..which simply refuses to examine my administration in ANY detail whatsoever. They invested heavily in the scam that was perpetrated on the American people in 2008 and it’s in their self serving interest to make sure it continues. So don’t look for them to turn the spotlight upon the White House as long as I am in office.
I have also managed to keep my distance from substantive issues while dancing around them with glib criticism and condescension for those who realize the true dangers involved. Again, that plays into my game plan for remaining completely disconnected from your concerns. That way, you…foolishly, I might add…disassociate me from the problem. When, in fact, I exacerbate the problem! Government spending comes to mind…as just one example.
I excel at lip service. And apparently, that’s sufficient in the age of what I hear is called the “low information voter.” They should be calling these folks, dumb ass voters! They’re easily swayed by slogans, rhetoric, and my show biz persona…such as it is. In today’s America it’s far more important to ratchet up the “cool factor” than to offer a grown up perspective on real, everyday problems. And you can bet , there ain’t no way I’ll ever offer anything along those lines! Oh…I almost forgot! As long as I can keep the national conversation wrapped up on stuff like gay marriage…which you know I don’t really give a crap about..or….immigration reform…ANYTHING, but the matters that affect your day to day life, well, I got it made!
So…again, I’d like to thank the nation of fools who look to me as some sort of Christ-like savior…”a sort of a god” I’ve heard it said. I’m just happy I was in the right place at the right time…for me! Otherwise, if you took the time to examine my motives there’s no way in hell you could be convinced I should be your President!
Remember, everybody plays the fool…I just didn’t know I’d be able to take advantage of that TWICE in a lifetime!”